Not much on this here blog except cakes lately, eh?

Only, there isn't very much in the way of news. Can't believe we made it through a whole year of parenthood. Crazy. I still don't feel 'old enough' to be someone's mom. Or have a mortgage, for that matter. And it's been over ten years since graduating from COLLEGE. How on earth did that happen?

Lately I've been feeling very introspective and have been spending quite a bit of time 'looking back' - wistfully, some real regrets here and there, lots of smiles and fond memories, warm fuzzies and all that. Some days the wish to turn back the clock and do it over (not much differently, but a few choices definitely could use some tweaking) is quite strong. Not sure where that is all coming from, honestly. Could be the fact that looking FORWARD is just too confusing.

Feeling I'm at a crossroads but not able to read any of the street signs, you know? That sounds a little melodramatic. Life is great for me - great husband, totally incredible kid, cute little house in suburbia (walking distance to the bakery! 2 coffee shops! Pizza place! Library!), cool dog.... And yet. And yet. Feels like something is missing. I'm sure it's got something to do with the job situation, but I never come up with anything new on that front.

I ended up taking the whole school year off (YAY!) to stay home with Sarah, and it was wonderful. Monday, however, I have to go back (BOO!). Not looking forward to it AT ALL. I'm grateful I got to witness Sarah's entire first year - and doubly grateful that she took her first steps the other night while I was playing with her (and not at daycare!!!). Sarah starts daycare after Labor Day - and I'm guessing it will be tougher on me than on her... I think she'll enjoy hanging with the other kids and being able to play in a huge, totally kid-proof environment. (I feel like I spend far too much time chasing her around the house saying "no, put that down," "No, you can't climb that," "what did you just put in your mouth?" and "that's Sherman's bone. Give it back to the doggie.")

Went back to the office for a few hours this week before the official 'first day of school' and just felt dead inside. Everyone was running around stressed out and crazy because of schedules, new computer programs that a)suck and b)did I say suck?, new enrollments, construction madness.... And I came in, did some stuff, and left. Just couldn't muster the energy to care. Ran into a few students and it was nice to see them, but that's it. I didn't *miss* anyone while I was home with Sarah. Not by a long shot. Didn't give the office one thought and suffered not a bit of guilt over it. Didn't check my email (I deleted 1500 of them this week without reading them.) Didn't bother checking my voice mail, either. I know I need a real attitude adjustment and fast, because I'll end up in heaps of trouble otherwise. So, that's that for now. I'm always going in circles on this one, I'm starting to bore even myself.